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Have you ever felt like you've put everyone else's needs before your own? Or feel like you're constantly adapting to fit in or to make others happy, losing a bit of yourself in the process? Whether you're a natural people-pleaser or tend to self-criticise, the chances are high that you've experienced self-abandonment without even realising it.
What Exactly Is Self-Abandonment?
Self-abandonment occurs when you sideline your own feelings, aspirations, and values. It's when you consistently place others on a pedestal, often at the detriment of your own well-being. Your feelings, ambitions, and desires fade into the background as you neglect your own needs and desires.
Here's a closer look at some of the signs of self-abandonment:
Burying Emotions: Brushing off your feelings, often convincing yourself they're invalid or wrong.
People-Pleasing: Consistently prioritising others over yourself, even if it means depleting your own energy and giving too much. An overwhelming fear of saying "no" or setting boundaries.
Not Being Authentic: Holding back on expressing your genuine thoughts or pursuing personal passions because of fear of judgment or rejection.
Self-Criticism: Being excessively hard on yourself, nit-picking your achievements, appearance, or actions. It's a relentless internal monologue of "I'm not good enough."
Passive Behaviour: Accepting things that drain you or suppressing your goals and aspirations because of self-imposed doubts.
So, Why Do We Abandon Ourselves?
The journey of self-abandonment often begins in our formative years as children or in our teens. It's a behaviour ingrained through consistent patterns. As adults, when significant figures in our lives, such as family members, close friends or partners, fail to recognise or meet our needs, we consciously or subconsciously internalise that treatment and extend it to ourselves.
We feel that is all we deserve and essentially learn to disconnect from our core self and our needs, treating ourselves as we were treated by influential figures in our early years. This can have a real impact on our mental health and can cause anxiety and a lack of self-confidence and trust.
Breaking the Cycle: Reconnecting with Yourself
Here's the silver lining: just as self-abandonment is learned, the path to self-reconnection can also be cultivated. Small, conscious efforts can help rebuild a positive, affirming relationship with yourself. Initially, it may feel unfamiliar or even uncomfortable, but with dedication, it becomes second nature.
Consider these steps:
Self-Validation: Recognise and accept your feelings without judgment. Allow yourself to fully experience them. Example: "It's okay to feel overwhelmed. Every emotion is a part of the human experience."
Change Your Story: The narrative you craft about yourself plays a pivotal role in shaping how you see yourself. Begin by acknowledging your strengths, accomplishments, and growth areas. Celebrate the little victories.
Set Boundaries: Emotionally and physically, you deserve to be in a space where you feel safe and valued. This involves drawing lines where necessary, even if it means distancing from toxic influences.
Discover Yourself: Dive into the depths of your personality. Explore new interests, engage in activities you love, and grant yourself the freedom to experiment.
Speak Up: Advocate for yourself, your desires, and your boundaries. Understand that standing up for your well-being isn't selfish; it's necessary.
Remember, the journey to understanding and overcoming self-abandonment isn't about becoming a different person. It's about reconnecting with the true essence of who you are, shedding the layers of what others expect of you, and being your authentic self. So, what step will you take today towards reclaiming yourself?
Looking for tools and support to help you reconnect with yourself, increase your self-worth, and reframe critical self-talk? Check out the Intuitive Living Workbook Series - workbooks that are filled with targeted exercises, actionable strategies, and self-reflection journaling questions, all tailored to empower you and help you thrive! Find out more here
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